The World Is My Bed

Here I am sleeping in my newest favourite spot. The top of the rocking chair. My servant Dave laughs at me as I have MANY favourite spots... but he fails to realize that as a feline and an Evil Genius to boot. That the WORLD is my bed and therefore I sleep wherever I want and when I want. Besides I need my rest in order that my brain will be at its MOST efficient when I execute my evil schemes. It's a hard job I have.. but very rewarding.

The Great Orange Hunter

One of the duties of being en Evil Genius is to rid the world of vermin and this includes everything from mice to spiders and centipedes. Incidentally I am a great centipede killer and have numerous 'pede kills on record. The name of Sam Burgess strikes fear into those multi-legged monsters. On this occasion though, I Sam, the Great Orange Hunter am on the trail of those eight legged freaks.

The spider, poses an interesting challenge in thier ability to walk on ceilings. Personally I don't think this is AT ALL fair. If God had intended ANY creature to walk on ceilings he would have of course chosen the feline for this role. The fact that spiders can do this is against nature. That's beside the point though. I will just have to use my superior intellect to resolve the issue.

Never fear my loyal subjects I will prevail. Sooner or later this spider will be feeling the terror that is Sam. Maybe I can get my loyal servant Dave to procure me a set of cat burgler suction cups for my feet... then I can show that spider how a natural ceiling walker does things.

Cyber Cat

Greetings and salutations. Yes it is me again Sam Burgess, once again posting out to all my homeys on the web. There has been some rumours going around that it I am not the TRUE author of the Sam's Evil Genius web blog and that its just my servant Dave posting up my evil schemes. As you can see from this picture this is NOT the case. What many in the world at large don't realize is that felines are naturals at all things cyber. In fact the cat-puter was most likely invented by us felines. I mean why else do you control the cat-puter with a "mouse". It is only through the cat deniers.. (mainly dogs) that this information isn't more widely known.

The Throne!!!

In this picture I am sitting on one of my many royal thrones. This one is situated in the manse of my fellow comrade at arms Tobias. As you can see it is plenty big enough for the both of us.. with me in the position of honour at the top. Tobias is content to reside further down the totem pole at my feet. The rank of Evil Genius DOES have its priviledges.

...And You Were Sleeping Where???

Here I am luxuriating in my HUGE bed awaiting my servant Dave to come see to my nightly pampering. I don't know why he's snorting in laughter as I write this.. I think its kind of rude. If he's not careful he will definitely lose his sleeping privileges and THEN where will he sleep. He wont find it so funny then. As a matter of fact as you can see there ALREADY isn't enough room for my august personage as it is. Barely enough at all. You know there IS a sofa... Hmmmm.....

LION In Lambs Clothing

Another one of my fellow felines in the order is Daisy Bulnes. Currently this soft spoken female lives as my next door neighbour. From her fur, being part Cornish Rex, you might expect that she is a gentle lamb but that would be a mistake. She is more like a wolf in sheep's clothing or better yet a LION in lambs clothing. (to get away from the canine association UGH) Currently though she has a soft spot for my servant Dave, which I'm going to have to talk to her about. Give this cat an ear rub and she is your friend for life. How does she expect me to keep the Dave-stir in his place if she show's such affection. I must think about this some more.

Surveilance

Other members of our Cat-ernity include Lulu Thompson-Wood. This innocuous looking feline may seem pretty unimportant but that is her strategy. Lulu is the recon-strategist of our team. Having the freedom to roam the perimeter of our domain she makes sure that no undocumented aliens have breached the perimeter. Including all rodents (squirrels), avians (birds), and especially canines (dogs). On detection of any breach, Lulu can make use of her icy GLARE of death to try to evict the offending party and failing that she might even have to chase them out herself. The only weakness in her defense is Merlin Veer but I will post more about him later.

Tobus Maximus

Here is a picture of my cousin Toby, who I am visiting at this very moment. Tobus Maximus (AKA Toby The Great) is the muscle in our little operation. Weighing in at an impressive 19lbs Toby has NO trouble putting fear into our arch-enemies the dogs. As you can imagine moving his immense bulk requires alot of energy, so motivation is a problem with Toby. On the other hand what he lacks in motivation he more then makes up for in sheer gravity. Believe you me, Ive been in on the receiving end of one of his head locks and its not fun. Of course I allowed this, as a means of training and instruction for Toby and was in complete control the whole entire time. No one puts an E.G. into a position of vulnerability without his express knowledge... this is impossible.

ROAD TRIP!!!!

Shot Gun!!!!!! My loyal servant (Davestir) and I are headed down to Windsor today to spend a week with my cousin Tobias. I'm so excited. Not only do I get to see my cousin.. but I get to hang in his Crib for a week. Can you say "WINDOWS". WHOO YAHHH... Then of course there is the addition of MORE people to annoy and drive insane. Grandma and Grandpa Burgess are ALWAYS amusing to perform some of my more "interesting" tricks on. There is the advantage , in their case, in that they haven't seen them yet... unlike Dave. HEHE... Stay tuned for more posts as I enjoy my vacation, down south.

My Fellow Catizens

To my loyal followers around the globe first let me say that I am still alive and well here in Canada. My lack of communication is entirely due to lack of time as I plot out and deploy my nefarious plans. The rumours spread about me by the MSM are absolutely false and are liable. Rest assured that I am still on duty and will be back posting some of my evil schemes in the near future.

The Basket Case

In today's missive to my loyal followers I want to discuss a topic crucial, in the world of cat-in-dom. That is the 2nd law of space and time. To be more precise, for every enclosed space there must be a feline in that space at the soonest possible time or the universe will cease to exist. Here I demonstrate this law in action in the real world. By providing this empty "box-like" space with my exalted personage, I am enacting this law. Of course there are side benefits to this law. Especially when Dave has placed warm towels, fresh from the dryer, in this space. Purrrfect for a nice snooze or contemplating my next brilliant plan.

I Love Being An Evil Genius

Man I love being an Evil Genius. It's such a fulfilling way to live. Take for instance one of my FAVORITE tricks that I use on the Davestir. This REALLY seems to annoy him which just makes my day. Its called the "Glass On Floor" maneuver. What you have to do is find a glass sitting on a counter top or table. Wait until you have the "targets" attention and slowly bat the glass to the floor. Its even better when the glass is full of something. If you are REALLY lucky it's full of milks... I LOVE MMMMMILKS.

Look Ma, No Legs...

Greetings my fellow feline's in bondage. As you can see I am perched cat-zen like on this very suitable green cushion. I must remember to commend my servant Dave for this. It is very fitting for my royal personage. Many humans, mistakenly think that we cats sit like this in order to keep our feet warm. They are gravely mistaken. What they don't know is that sitting like this enables us to reach higher states of genius. So that we can think up new and fascinating ways to annoy them.

Helping??? NOT!!!

Dave says I never help around the place. Well... duh... E.G.'s don't "help", we supervise and delegate. As you can see here, I'm supervising the cleaning of the dishes. This thing (which he calls a "dish rack") is the perfect vantage point to make sure my will is being done. In this case he seemed kind of perturbed and evicted me, much to my displeasure. He then proceeded to put the wet dishes in my place of honour. How insulting... I think I will have to think of a suitable punishment for him.... hmmmmm... let me think.

Thinking Inside The Box

Although conventional wisdom states that you should think outside the box. I have found that this is not always the best policy. Sometimes I have found that you have to think inside the box so to speak. In this case, inside the dresser. I do most of my best plotting from this dresser and from the annoyance factor I get from Dave I know that its a powerful mental nexus for my genius. Passers by, beware though. Disturbing me during my thinking (sleeping) time is never a good idea... as you can see my weapons are always at the ready.

Sneak Attack!!!

In my training as an Evil Genius. I've had to learn the art of subterfuge, and the sneak attack, in order to help aid me in my nefarious plots. Here I use the natural camouflage of the sofa bed to sneak up on the unsuspecting. Little did Dave know that, if I had so chosen I could have snuffed him out like a candle. Of course, I chose to show mercy to him that day... (he had been a good servant and had filled my food dish) ... but one of these days I will attack.. as quick as lightning and just as deadly.

Greetings From The Throne

As I sit here on my throne, contemplating my next evil scheme I wonder if the masses will ever appreciate my genius. The brilliance of my strategy will go down in history as being flawless and books will be written about me. Do not be fooled by the "Friendly Felines" propaganda on my cushion... uhhh yeah ignore that my faithful followers... its just part of my plan to lure people into a false sense of security about me. Until next time....

My New Crib

Hey Boyzzzz... Check out my new crib. It's pretty slick don't you think?? Dave-o (my loyal servant) told me Santa Claws dropped it off for me during the holidays.. I have to meet this dude Claws... he's one mean cat. I mean look at this place... I can survey my entire domain from the top.... SWEET!!!! It allows me to keep a eye on the Dave-stir to make sure he stays in line, while I put my genius to good (I mean EVIL) use.